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Dogs, like people, often become impaled upon the rusty barbs of habitual behavior. Ralph was one such dog, who was predisposed to a need for an imprisoning rigidity in his schedule. Unfortunately, the stranglehold of poor practices relentlessly preyed upon on his frail sense of willpower. Therefore, he was required to expend an exhaustive amount of energy in his attempts to unlock the clenched jaw of these cumbersome vices.

Among other things, Ralph needed to learn how to suitably interact with the trio of cats that shared his household. In this regard, Ralph was forced to wade through treacherous high tides, for he instinctively took a wondrous and mischievous delight in chasing the felines around the house. Additionally, he was shackled by an unbridled hunger for cat food.

Eventually, each night, at the call of lights out, it became necessary to harness Ralph to my bedpost with several leashes strung together. This measure curtailed his ability to roam without restriction and afforded the cats an opportunity to more fully enjoy their dining experience and eliminated starvation as a potential cause of their deaths. Ralph seemed to understand that this infringement upon his freedom was only implemented as a means to keep him from succumbing to his innermost desires. Accordingly, I believe he came to possess a healthy appreciation for the opportunity to work with such a net.

For a period of time, Ralph always nodded off fairly quickly when the bed time bell tolled. However, he eventually found it necessary to engage in a pre-slumber ritual of sorts. As he lay fastened to his security device, he eagerly awaited his owner’s arrival to bed. When this time arrived, he whipped his tail wildly in the air as prepared to propel himself up and on to the mattress. After his master would become situated between the sheets, Ralph pounced. It was a maneuver that he executed passionately, yet with a sense of conviction and purpose. Carefully and precisely, he adjusted his body into the proper alignment, which enabled him to perform the next step of the operation. Like Tigger, from Winnie the Pooh, he bounced like a coiled spring into the air. The box springs moaned as Ralph touched down upon the bed. Upon landing, Ralph instantly would bury his front paws and head in the bosom of the covers, while his tail jutted out stiffly, acting as an overly simplistic rudder.

Once the mechanical aspects of the routine were complete and the proper position had been secured, Ralph proceeded to engage in an extensive session of tongue aerobics. To the beat of an internal rhythm, he swung his tongue to the left and then to the right, fully expecting his head to be caressed with an equally enthusiastic and vigorous approach. Ultimately, when the thrill of the activity waned, he brought his head to nestle cozily within the crux of his owner’s armpit. In a moment, he was lost in the euphoric tranquility of inner peace. Probably, had it been his decision alone, he would have opted to spend the duration of the night pressed snugly against his master’s body. However, this determination did not fall within the realm of his Ralph’s jurisdiction. Consequently, Ralph was requested to return to his allotted place on the floor along the side of the bed. Ralph grudgingly did as he was told, but only after he received a gentle physical prompt to do so.

However, as Ralph quietly fell asleep, it was always seemed clear that his objective had been accomplished. Perhaps, he quickly slipped into a dream about the comforting prospect of repeating the entire ordeal on the following night.

Originally published on Associated Content / Yahoo Contributor Network (YCN) on March 31, 2009

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